O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
