It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
