i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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