i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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