She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
