Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
