Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He better not be in your backpack
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
