I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
