i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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