i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
