why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
