my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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