One girl and one boy is just not enough.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
