I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
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