the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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