MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
