I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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