turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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