Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
