I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
