i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
