man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
