My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
