His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
