Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
bring money and cleavage
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
