can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
