I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
