she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
