needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
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