mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
