yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
