arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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