yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
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