do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
