Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
