WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Randomize
