We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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