Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
