If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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