I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
