Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
