What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
