Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
