You're my little dorito
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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