Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
