If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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