So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize