just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
