For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
