my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
