Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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