Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
