so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
