I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
