My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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