You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
