: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
