Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
