You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
