I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
